ahem. I am still here.

My fingers are tracing different letters as I try to picture, no scratch that, try to form something substantial here. There is a lot I want to write about, but I have to choose which for the time being. I could write about the numerous girls that share different sectors of my life, or my future that is about as doughy as a baker's cake, or pithy life lessons or so on and so forth; anything to make myself seem intellectual enough to take up space-if that is a requirement.

But in reality, I think I am going to reach into a more humorous story of my life: singing in the shower. I used to just sing songs I knew by heart: Oasis's Wonderwall, Petty's Free Fallin' and even Verve Pipe's Freshmen. I would belt them out as the euphoria of steam and warm comfort contrasted by December in Illinois would reach deep into the pit of my stomach, churning out notes I didn't even know I was capable of reaching.

Anymore, I have become captivated of the prospects of being a true artist in life. I wonder to school, to work, to friend's houses, still in a childlike candor, wide eyed, trying to experience a world I feel is brand new each day. Music drives my engine, serving as a catalyst to fuel the chemical reaction of my true creativity and love for life.

What does this point to? Well, I think this is why anymore I enjoy singing freely, making lyrics up as the synapses in my brain fire, sending colorful metaphors and verses through my voice box, creating the resonating noise of an artist in love with life.

It must be a hoot to witness. I know my two roommates last March would often be laughing after I would step out of the shower and my two current roommates often comment as well.

And like every good little story teller, there is a moral to this story, as I am learning from Mr. John Gardner. What ever it is you love, or who...don't be afraid to "sing in the shower" so to speak. Who cares is watching, listening...witnessing. Let the true passion that drives your life-source become aroused and perpetuated in all you do. Thank you.

KmS

Love (My first subject and a subject that I am sure someone out there has felt)

Love. Yea. You know I have a couple of really good friends who have already been touched by this emotion. There is Matt. He really cares about this one girl, a lot. Things don't seem to be working out and because of this, he gets frustrated and decides to give up. Not that I can blame him. He really cares about this girl and he is a good guy. She just needs to wake up and realize what she does to him. She plays games with him. It's not right. He never has had a real g/f. He deserves a good girl, and for her to play with him like she does is just wrong. Then there is my friend Karl. He has found a great girl. She is awesome, genuine, and is going to make Karl happy for the rest of his life. They are perfect for each other. I am so happy for him. As being a part of the group who helped set Karl and "her" up, I feel proud. They are going to live a life full of memories together. They have found love and will continue to find it together. Then my friend Tyler. Oh Tyler. I won't say what exactly he has done wrong, but lets just say that he thinks too much with his manly organ. He lets his hormones get the best of him. He has a g/f but he could have done a lot of things to have been a better boyfriend. Matt is confused, Karl is for sure, Tyler is lost and I am at a pinnicle of realization. I have all of these examples, these real life scenarios in front of me and at the same time I have a girl in my life that I care so much for. I love her to say the least. We aren't dating, we are close friends and have been for a while. I have talked to her about "us" before. Something is always in the way though. She isn't over her ex (my friend), she doesn't want a relationship, she is too busy. For two years, I have understood and now, to this day, I understand her more than ever. I realize how I feel for her, and no matter what, I am going to keep caring for her. I want more, sure. But I have thought about it a lot. The whole subject. I mean I think a lot. 24/7, seriously. When I am asleep, working, driving, all the time. Love is on my mind a lot. She means so much to me. What to do? Keep on being ther for her until it is clear that she has no feelings for me, which to this point hasn't been clear, or until she gives me a chance. Anyways, I might delete this blog later for a certain reason, but for anyone who might stumble upone this, and is reading this right now, thanks. Its weird. I am in a certain city, a certain state, a certain country...you, you are somewhere else. You are someone else. But even still, we able to converge on a level through this medium. Two people exchanging ideas without the consent of the other. Its just amazing. Life in general. Thank you.

KMS